


And Her Light

by Alexandria (heartfullofelves)



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/F, Fix-It, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Post-A Friend In Need, Tumblr Prompt, Unbury Your Gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 08:45:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11643012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartfullofelves/pseuds/Alexandria
Summary: Gabrielle rages.





	And Her Light

Gabrielle raged. Everything she did, she did with anger, from hunting to lighting fires to defending herself and Eve from warlords and thieves. She rushed into danger and fought like a woman possessed, not caring how many she killed in her battle haze. They all deserved it, every last one of them.

Just outside Amphipolis, where she and Eve had come to lay Xena’s ashes to rest with her family, they were approached by a small gang of young men eager for a fight. Gabrielle gave it to them, shoving Eve out of the way and slashing the men with her sais. It didn’t last long enough to satisfy her – no fight did, these days – and when the last man standing began to stumble away, she grabbed the chakram from her hip and hurled it. He went down. She strode over and watched the life drain out of him. Blank faced, she yanked the chakram out of the man’s skull and watched the blood drip down the metal and onto the grass.

“Why did you do that?”

Gabrielle whipped around to find Eve glaring at her.

“The fight was over; he’d surrendered! Gabrielle, what’s wrong with you?” Eve cried, throwing up her arms.

Gabrielle returned the chakram to the hook on her hip. “You know what’s wrong, Eve,” she replied in a dangerous whisper.

“I miss her too,” said Eve, stepping closer. “I miss her so much, but this isn’t right. You can’t continue on this path; you’re hurting your soul. This isn’t you, Gabrielle.”

“What do you know about missing her?” Gabrielle exploded, grabbing Eve’s shoulders. “You left! You left us and you didn’t turn back. You weren’t there! You can’t possibly know what she and I have gone through over the years. You can’t know the depth of my love for her. You can’t know, okay? You barely knew her; you’re mourning nothing more than a memory. I’m mourning a _lifetime_.”

Eve’s eyes filled with tears, and Gabrielle knew she wasn’t being fair, but it didn’t matter. She’d been bottling all this up, and Eve had opened the lid. Hot tears ran down Gabrielle’s cheeks too.

“She was my partner for _years_. We were there for each other when no-one else was. We’ve shared things you can’t begin to imagine, Eve. So don’t think for one moment that your grief compares with mine.”

Eve’s face softened. “It’s not a competition. We both loved her; it doesn’t matter how much, or in what way; we both lost her, and we both miss and grieve for her. What _does_ matter is that we get through this without hurting ourselves or each other.”

She put a gentle hand on Gabrielle’s shoulder. “I understand your anger and your pain. But if you continue down this destructive road, I’m worried you’ll turn into the person she was before she met you. You’ll turn into the person _I_ was. And I don’t think you could turn back.”

“What are you talking about?” spat Gabrielle.

Eve bowed her head. “It’s already begun,” she murmured. She looked back up, into Gabrielle’s furious green eyes. “You need to stop. We’ll lay her to rest tonight. Then, you’ll write down all your feelings of grief and anger. I’ll lock you in a room if I have to. When you no longer have the urge to kill everyone and everything you see, I’ll let you go on your way, wherever that might be.”

Before Gabrielle could blink, Eve had stolen her chakram and sais. “Until then, I’ll hold onto these.”

Gabrielle glared, but one look at the bodies she’d left on the ground knocked the fight out of her. She deflated, a part of her knowing that Eve was right and she couldn’t carry on like this. She had to put Xena to rest.

* * *

When she and Eve entered Amphipolis, Xena was there waiting for her, staring but not speaking or moving, and looking like she always had.

“Go away,” Gabrielle hissed. “You’re not real. Leave me alone!”

“Gabrielle,” said Eve in the barest whisper. “I can see her too.”

Gabrielle was struck dumb. She stood frozen to the spot as Eve approached her mother and embraced her. She saw Eve’s mouth moving but she couldn’t hear the words or Xena’s response. All she could do was watch and try and remember to breathe. The only sound she could hear was her own heartbeat, thumping away inside her chest, the sole reminder she was neither dead nor dreaming.

“Gabrielle.”

She blinked.

“Gabrielle.”

She looked up into Xena’s lively blue eyes. She and Xena stared at each other, silent, for an eternity, until Gabrielle collapsed onto the ground. She felt Xena’s arms around her but she couldn’t move, couldn’t reciprocate. She could only howl in pain.

“It’s okay,” Xena whispered into her hair. “It’s okay.”

The words released something inside Gabrielle, and she reached for Xena, clinging to her with the intention of never letting go. Xena continued to whisper soothing words in her ear, stripping away the darkness. When Gabrielle was able to speak, it was only one word: “How?”

Xena smiled. “They didn’t want me in the Japanese land of the dead. I was a foreigner who’d killed thousands of their people. They didn’t want me making any more trouble.” She chuckled a little, and Gabrielle’s heart warmed at the sound.

Eve crouched down beside them. “But how did you get back _here_ , to Amphipolis?”

“Ah,” said Xena. “I had some help from one of our local gods.”

Gabrielle frowned. “Ares?”

“Yeah. He zapped me back here.”

“In exchange for what?” asked Gabrielle.

“He was just glad I wasn’t dead,” answered Xena, cupping Gabrielle’s cheek. “I’m certain he’ll be popping up and asking for a favour soon, though.” She leant forwards and captured Gabrielle’s lips with her own.

Eve coughed. They broke apart to look at her, Gabrielle fighting the urge to hit her for interrupting.

“What should we do with your ashes?” asked Eve, holding up the urn.

Gabrielle’s laugh sounded a lot like a sob. It was an excellent question.  

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous prompted Xena/Gabrielle + “You left and didn’t turn back. You’d been gone for years when she died, I was there the whole time. If anything, you’re mourning a memory…”
> 
> This wasn't going to be a fix-it originally, but I liked the idea of Gabrielle doing awful things out of grief and anger and it being for nothing because Xena isn't even dead (à la Black Sails, I guess). I broke my own heart writing this - let me know if I broke yours too.


End file.
